Saturday morning 4am, I was awaken to pain. Not just any pain but a sharp deep pain from within my stomach. I got up and went into the bathroom, trying to figure out what this pain could possibly be, my first thought was ‘great, my appendix is going to rupture, so maybe I should call 911″ then after a couple minutes i thought “well maybe i am over-reacting and it’s nothing” but how could this be nothing, the pain was not getting better and obviously we don’t feel pain for no reason. so I figured, ok i’ll wait it out and see what happens. An hour passes and it’s nt getting any better, at this moment I am lying on the floor in the hall and thinking ok, I’m just gonna call my parents and ask them to take me to the hospital. I make my way to the bed and pick up my phone and push the button to call home. “hello” a tired voice says “hey mom, umm i think i need you to take me to the hospital”…that’s how my week started (or ended, idk) anyways I went to the ER and after waiting and tests and unbelievable pain. (I’m leaving out the details, sorry). The doctor came back and said “you have a kidney stone”…my response to that “sweet”…in a sarcastic tone (by this time the 3 doses of morphine were finally starting to kick in). So with that I went home…oh wait first went to the pharmacy to fill my prescriptions where I could barely walk down the aisles so I went back and sat in the car and waited for my mom and I cried, cried like I haven’t cried in a LONG time, I have never been in so much pain and felt so helpless.
After my little “outing” to the hospital and the pharmacy I went home and slept a lot, the first 3 days were terrible I woke up one morning and was in pain (even with meds) from 2:30am-9:00am. I didn’t know how to make the pain better, nothing I did mattered, I couldn’t stand, sit, lay down anything. At one point I was so tired, I fell asleep on the bathroom floor, was tired of the pain and tired of walking back and forth between the bedroom and bathroom so i just passed out there. (good thing I know my bathroom is unbelievably clean)…so not only was i dealing with the pain in my side but also not drinking caffeine, so was experiencing a withdrawal headache (which lasted 3 days).
After all that, I’m still trying to recover, get my strength back, but in all I did find that I have some AMAZING people in my life, people, who check in on me and who will bring me movies, or food (not that I was able to eat food, but they offered), and anything else I needed to make my miserable experience more comfortable. I had so many people praying and writing me messages online or through text. To everyone, I appreciate you all and I thank God He, has blessed me with you. You are all incredible. 
THANKS.
I walked into a birthday party not knowing what to expect. It started out with me and about seven other women all gathering in the kitchen and dining room putting together food trays, bowls and drinks. As I stood there watching everyone, I realized I was the youngest in the group the next youngest person was 9 years older than me the oldest person was hmmm, probably shouldn’t give that bit of information away, let’s just say older. As we migrated out to the patio I found I was not prepared for the conversations that lie ahead, what started out as chit chat and friendly banter turned into the most random topics ever although there were certain parts that peaked my interest, other stuff I probably shouldn’t repeat, not because they are inappropriate or bad topics just not stuff EVERYONE wants to read about. I did however hear about hot flashes and menopause and numerous other womanly issues (did I mention this was an all “girls” birthday party?)
I’ve recently found that at any “girls” night events, anything goes as far as topics to discuss….I’ve heard about things that are never brought up in general discussions but get a bunch of girls together and you hear about anything from well I won’t get into the details, sorry.
I find that I just sit there, take it all in and think “although this is weird and random to hear such crazy things, some of this is stuff I’ve always wondered about or never knew.”
So thanks to all my chicas who keep it real and share thoughts and insight. I appreciate all you teach me.
It’s been awhile since I have written anything on my blog, so i thought I would take a few minutes to write. I have nothing in particular on my mind, but am just gonna write whatever comes to me.
Lately life has been confusing. Not bad, just confusing. Seems like in life we make plans, we are always planning everything from what we will eat when we wake up, who we will eat with for lunch, or to more complex plans like what you want to be when you grow up, or where you want to live next year. It seems like all we do our entire life is plan, plan, plan. I mean we even have calendars, phones and electronic planners to keep track of all our plans.
What if we slowed down and didn’t plan so much, would life be less confusing? Would we be able to focus more on God, who ultimatly know what plans will happen and won’t happen…He knows what we will do without life, He knows what plans lie ahead of us.
With all the hustle and bustle we call our lives we tend to lose sight of what God has planned for us. I think right now, my goal is to slow down with all my plans in life and focus on Him.
BTW if i was rambling I am sorry…If none of this made any sense I am also sorry. I am super tired and should be sleeping right now
Good night world.
sometimes i get bored and use the photobooth app on my computer….this is a pic i took the other day, not sure why but i love this one.
For some reason Miley Cyrus’ “The Climb” has stuck with me, not because I’m a Miley Cyrus fan or even a Hannah Montana Fan (ok I’ve watch the occasion episode, which I’m sure I’ll get made fun of for) and not because it is played on the radio a lot. But because it’s a very powerful and true song. It reminds me that in life we all have dreams and hope that those dreams come true, we all want to make a difference (change the world), and although sometimes we fail, but it’s not about failing but instead the journey we take, what we learn and if we get up and keep climbing toward that dream. If we dream but don’t take action to achieve those dreams then what’s the point, right? In my life I don’t think I’ve ever had a BIG dream, mostly little dreams that were easy to accomplish. I dreamed little dreams because I was fearful that I would fail if I dreamed too big, but we can’t let fear guide us and hold us back. My goal, my dream in life NOW is to make a difference, change the world, even if that means the world of just one person. I know changing the world is a BIG dream and I might not make as big an impact as I hope but at least I can say I did what I could, I stepped up and lived, cared for people, reached out a hand to someone in need, sacrificed for others and ultimatly lived like Christ. That’s all that matters, living for Him, falling down in the process but getting right back up, dusting yourself off and continuing on. There will always be something that is holding us back, something in our way but fight, take a chance and keep going, push on, be strong. It’ll all be worth it in the end.
I’m sitting here, listening to the rain and thinking how AMAZING God is. He’s amazing even when we don’t see it or even when we do but just ignore it. The last 4 months were rough. I started a job at a place that at first I thought was gonna be amazing but once I started I soon found out I wasn’t doing what I had in mind and soon realized I hated it and wanted things to be back the way they used to be. Isn’t too often that the grass is always greener on the other side, you don’t realize how great you have it until it’s gone. During the last 4 months I fought, wrestled and sought God like I never have and now that things are back to the way they were before, I realize that we tend to lean on God when we struggle, when we are faced with the flames and refined but the mment things start getting better, easier we no longer depend on Him. Shouldn’t we ALWAYS seek Him, shouldn’t we ALWAYS trust and depend on Him. The answer to that is and easy one but not an easy one to live. I can tell you all that sure we need to seek Him in the good times and the bad but living it is not always that easy. I want so badly to live completely and fully for Him, I want to be used by Him and be a world changer. Not because it’s the cool thing to do and not because ‘Everyone” is doing it, but because I want to make a difference, because I want God to be lifted up by what I do. I want to bring others to Him by my actions and I CAN NOT do that if i’m not willing to trust Him. With that I challenge you to pray, speak to Him in a way you never have and be still. Listen to what He wants for your life. What He has planned. Don’t say a word, just listen to what He has to say. Most likely it will be a still and quiet voice so shut up and wait.
If you’ve ever been to Starbucks then you will know that it can be a great place to sit and relax, sip some coffee, chat with a friend, work, or just people watch. There are those few times when it can be loud and annoying but that if rare (or at least for me). Tonight I went to the BG Starbucks and pulled out my computer, sat and observed the people around me for a moment then began to think and ponder. You see, tonight I was planning on going to the youth service at the church where I work but then at the last minute I decided against it. I was going to go to observe and just kinda take the whole thing in, maybe help me decide if I wanted to get back into leading youth again. I think in my last blog I said I had been asked a couple of times to consider it and since then i’ve been thinking about it, a lot lately. I have done the youth thing for about 4 or 5 years but havent been involved for awhile now. There was a time where I was so passionate about leading youth, I would look forward to our weekly youth group and even the occasional overnighters. I loved that the kids got so excited to see me every week, that they loved to hang out with me and the other leaders, and that they thought it was cool when you gave them that occasional random phone call or invited them to go to lunch or went to see them at their sporting event. I love that even now that when I see those junior highers that I lead like 6, 7, 8 years ago, they still act excited to see me. That part of me wants with all that is in me to go back into youth ministry and be a part of new kids lives. Then there is the part of me that isn’t sure what I want to do, not sure if youth is where I should be right now….there is that part that feels like i’ve moved on from youth and not sure I can handle the commitment, overnighters and high energy of 12 and 13 year old kids….is that selfish? Hmmm I just feel like before God gave me the passion to serve in that ministry and right now i’m not sure that is my passion, not sure it isn’t either…so i guess with all this rambling, I really know nothing. I have no answers and I probably just wasted like 3 minutes of your life that you just spent reading this. Sorry…but it’s how I think and process, my next blog might have more insight and answers but for now, all i have is, NOTHING.
So I’m sitting at Starbucks and I actually came here to drop off an ipod to my aunt who works here but apparently I was told wrong and well she’s not here. Anyways I decided to take a seat and hang out a bit. So far it has been an interesting little visit. I have never been to a starbucks that is soooo full of weird people. I mean seriously I have been sitting about 10 feet away from a couple that argued for 15 minutes about cell phones and texting and how dumb it is or how cool it is. seriously…people need to find more important things to discuss. they just wasted 15 minutes of their life talking about it and now I am wasting 3 minutes of my life typing about it. So i’ kinda equally as dumb, i guess anyways so far I have counted 6 people dressed in “hick-ish” attire, 3 that we’re pprently drunk, and 4 that think it’s summer cuz there were wearing almost no clothing. Anyways enough about the people here…guess that’s what I get for venturing into BG.
Ok so the real reason I decided to sit, was to think a it, i’m actually coming to enjoy life a bit…can’t completely complain. I mean right now things are ok..i’ve been having fun, enjoying time with friends and family, starting a new (old) job and loving it, even with all the stress and craziness that comes with it. I’m also getting a few side design jobs and excited to where that is going. So yeah Can’t complain, the BIG thing that is on my mind is new opportunities….well mostly just ONE opportunity, to be part of the church youth group as a leader. I was a youth leader for about 5 years and gave it up because a few different reasons and although at first i missed it, I have come to the point where I’m not sure I want to do it again, but GOd might have different plans….I’m trying to listen and hear His voice before I just step in. I either want to be all in or all out…no partial commitment. Kids need consistency and I remember being young and hating when a leader came and went week after week, never being consistent. I want to be there whole heartedly…so I’m trying to figure out if this is where I need to be or not.
Anyways so yeah I guess that’s the big thing. That’s about all that is on my mind at the moment. Must go for now.
So this last weekend I decided (kinda last minute) to drive 3 hours (well about 2.5 hours) to Yakima to visit my best friend. It had been a couple of weeks since i had last seen her so it was a logn time coming. Anyways I got off work on Friday and made the trek, which by myself is a little boring but totally worth it to have fun, hang out and relax.
On Saturday, we did just that…went shopping, talked, watch some movies and did pretty much nothing…just enjoyed hanging out. On saturday night we decided to cut my hair….Cara is the only one I will ever let cut my hair, not sure why because she has never had any formal training but she knows how my hair works, knows me, and well one time i let her do anything she wanted with my hair and she did a great job so now she gets to do it all the time (not always the free reign, but she’ll always be the one who cuts it). I told her kinda how i wanted and just let her do her thing….the end result must i say is amazing, i love it so much. Oh yeah and I had her dye it black, which I was a little unsure about but i think it works.
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I don’t get sick very often, usually once maybe twice a year. When I do get sick everything slows down, I slow down, my world slows down and my thoughts slow down. Seems that everything I would normally do on any given day takes so much energy that I have no choice but slow down.
Although being sick sucks, it does allow you to do things that your busy life normally doesn’t allow. On the top of that list for me is; reading, I rarely get to read and when I do it seems like I hurry through it just like everything else in life, I don’t have time to sit and think about what I’ve read. I am able to write notes in the margin and even talk to people about what I’ve read. Also being sick allows me to talk to people online that I normally don’t get to have a “real” conversation with (well as real as IMing gets).
The last few days besides reading and IMing, I’ve had time to do some design work (which I love), watch a ton of TV and encourage and listen to people I normal just say a quick hello to.
Not saying I like being sick, I actually hate it and am not very good at being sick….I am actually quite a baby when it comes to being sick. Yes, I will admit it…
The above is the silver lining of being sick.
